The good news is that, as we grow older, that corrosive personal fault-finding seems to fade away. The older brain, new German research seems to confirm, is just less susceptible to regret. So to recap: We can train ourselves to regret less, or to regret better, in at least the following three ways:. The wisdom is in knowing the difference. This is some really good stuff. It goes a long way in considering self-forgiveness, which I have studied about for many years. As a layman, I have never seen any work that's been professionally done on "self-forgiveness" which I believe to be as critical as "forgiving others".
If you can suggest studies on the subject that a common man can understand, I would be much obliged. Thanks, Cliff Etheredge. Back Psychology Today. Back Find a Therapist.
The Moral Psychology of Regret
Back Get Help. Back Magazine. The Power of Boundaries Sharing personal information brings people closer together. Subscribe Issue Archive. Back Today. Acknowledging Collective Victimization. Source: "Remorso de Judas," by Almeida Junior.
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REGRET | meaning in the Cambridge English Dictionary
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How Porn and Sex are Different in the Brain. Think You Lack Willpower? Here Is Another Possibility. There is always a temptation to take the position that one has no regrets. We feel that to harbour regrets dishonours the very place to which we have arrived. But, it can be helpful to remind ourselves that these regrets are intimations informing us that we have developed sufficiently to perceive the nature of our past shortcomings.
Regret can be a sorrowing hope that sees the faults of the past through the more lucid and open eyes of the present. They are growing pains as we become better at being ourselves. Most of our past mistakes are consistent with our personal evolution at that time, and the waves of regret simply signal a progression and expansion of our hearts.
Perhaps it is useful to see our lives as a series of failed or abandoned dreams, but to also recognise that these dreams are the very architecture of our humanity; to lovingly accept our shortcomings and lay them to rest in the knowledge that growth and regret go hand in hand, as do failure and potentiality.
Many of the regrets I have today seem to revolve around my past inability to say goodbye. For many years my way of dealing with things was to cut and run and not look back. I was forever fleeing from something or someone or some place, a disastrous situation, for example, or my various addictions or ruined relationships.
This state of flight felt like a creative, motivating force, yet was actually completely devoid of reflection, and certainly unimpeded by the corrective influence of regret. I felt that if I ever stopped I would be eaten alive by the chaos that followed me around like a stray dog. It took many years before I found the resolve to turn around and stare down the imagined monster of my past.